Ladies! Gentlemen! Nudity fans of all ages! I’m Eila Adams!
And I’m Laura Desiree! Welcome one and all to our annual Naked News New Years special!
We’re here to wrap up the year that was 2019, with some highs…
Some lows…
And a whole lot of fun. What moment for you sticks out the most this year?
We’re kicking off the show with a HIGH POINT for 2019, our PERSON of the year.
Here’s Marina Valmont.
It’s hard to imagine ANYONE having a more amazing year than Keanu Reeves. Okay, his previous years didn’t exactly suck… but while the past five years included the success of John Wick and John Wick Chapter Two, the rest of his movies weren’t so hot. But then, the Keanussance that WAS 2019!
First, John Wick Chapter 3 – Parabellum was a stylish, action-packed, bona-fide hit. Proving once and for all that Keanu can rock a trilogy! Then, there was his small but AWESOME role in the Netflix smash, Always Be My Maybe. He played a hyper-pretentious, uber-Hollywood version of himself… and people LOVED it!
Know what else people loved? His crazy-viral moment at E3, the electronic entertainment expo in June. Turned out that people were as excited to see Keanu Reeves as they were to hear about an upcoming game. He clearly didn’t expect that. A movie star who gets flustered when he’s complimented. HOW FREAKING ADORABLE!
And it continued! He also delighted his fans by taking on the voice role of Duke Caboom in Toy Story 4, and playing himself in the gloriously awkward Between Two Ferns: The Movie. For MOST people, all that’d be a banner year. But for Keanu, that’s just HALF the story!
He also signed on for ANOTHER John Wick flick, the lead role in the mini-series based on the “Rain” novels, a part in the next Spongebob movie, PLUS another freaking MATRIX movie! AND, as if THAT wasn’t enough, the long, long, LONG-awaited Bill & Ted reunion was announced, shot, and is now slated for release next year!
And that’s just his PROFESSIONAL life! Personally, the man known as “the internet’s boyfriend” recently went public with his rumored GIRLFRIEND, artist Alexandra Grant. The public more than approved, and it’s Keanu’s first public relationship in over a decade, so it’s safe to say it’s making him happy.
And that makes US happy! Happy to make Mr. Keanu Reeves Naked News’ 2019 Person of the Year. Excellent! For Naked News, I’m Marina Valmont.
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